I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Randomize
