We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
