you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
