woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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