"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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