He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
