I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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