turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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