The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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