Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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