I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
this hospital has no fireball
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
