Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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