I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
lol hangovers are for mortals.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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