Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
