I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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