matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
