oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
