he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
