ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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