i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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