I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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