Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
