no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
