I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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