Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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