Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
