she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
