i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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