Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my being single is dangerous.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
