I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
