I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
