your parents love me but you hate me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
