Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Watching her eat just hurts me
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
