i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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