so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
