Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
