dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
