nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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