I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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