Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
