dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
