Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
honey bunches of taint.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
