I can text with my tongue
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
