I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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