I think my fart just growled at me.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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