i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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