I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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