dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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