You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
