I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
