I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
