i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
