guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
