That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
