Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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