Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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