Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
