and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
